"Doctor, why is Juno's eye all goopy?"
"Well, the first woman doctor in the United States, Elizabeth Blackwell, couldn't practice medicine here, because let's face it, who would trust a woman doctor? She had to go to France to practice and she worked with a lot of, shall we say, 'ladies of the night'. One day she was doing a pelvic exam on one of these ladies and she touched her eye before washing her hands, and she developed gonorrhea in the eyes. She was blind within 24 hours. Gonorrhea is very dangerous in the eyes, you see. And when babies are born they come out of a part of the body that is not known for being clean, and some babies pick up gonorrhea or conjunctivitis as they pass through the birth canal. That's why we administer eye drops at birth. But Juno just has a blocked tear duct--here are some eye drops."
I think I need a new pediatrician.