Two weeks ago, I was writing a blog post about our struggle to add to our family. I've mentioned it here and there, but I was really baring my soul. I ended up not publishing the post and then that night, I took a pregnancy test... and it was positive.
Wow, after 14 months and probably 50 negative tests, finally a positive one!
I was ecstatic for six days, but unfortunately, that's as far as that pregnancy made it. I know it was a really early miscarriage (a chemical pregnancy), but to me, it already felt real. I haven't had a miscarriage before and they really suck. I can only be grateful that (physically) it was really easy on me.
And now, a week later, I am feeling hopeful again. Hopeful that because I am young and healthy I will eventually get pregnant again and hold my own little baby in my arms again. I hope it happens.
I know that many, many women experience miscarriages and infertility, but it's such a taboo subject that people don't really talk about it and it can feel really isolating. Now, I talk and share a lot, so I'm breaking my silence on my experience. The last year has been an emotional roller coaster. I want so badly to be able to just relax, enjoy my family, and feel satisfied with what I have now. Then when I someday get pregnant again (because surely I will!), it will be a great surprise and I'll be happy, but I won't waste time worrying about it in the meantime.
However, that is easier said than done. Working on my family yearbooks has been helpful, as has the old mantra "One day at a time". But I want to know how you do it. How do you move on and find joy when your life turns out differently than you expected?
Leave a comment or shoot me an email @ keander at gmail dot com!