how to rise and shout with a bad back

So I have this problem:

every time I am looking forward to something, it turns out to be not that great.

It's happened to me with vacations, movies, restaurants, and date night at the county fair. And it's always a bummer!!

Jason and I had tickets to the BYU season opener last night and I have been excited for weeks. I love BYU! I love going to football games!! It's especially fun because we used to go to BYU football games when we were just dating, so it's like we're in a time warp and the last eight years haven't happened.

Yesterday I was all set with a plan: I was going to take the girls shopping, let them play on the playground, and then head home for lunch and naps. After quiet time was over, it would be time to pick Jason up from work and head to Provo. We would drop the girls at my brother's and be in our seats with plenty of time to enjoy the pre-game festivities. The night would be clear with just enough of a fall hint in the air that it would feel like football, but not enough that I would be cold.

The day started off according to plan, but as I was loading everyone up to leave the playground, I did the worst thing ever: I threw out my back.

This has happened before (too many times to count) so I knew what to do. I kept moving, I did my back stretches, I took a ton of Ibuprofen, but it was too late. I was down and out for the rest of the day.

We made it to Provo with minimal discomfort and dropped off the kids; then we crept along, inch by inch, for over half an hour to get to the parking lot in Provo traffic (which is the best, right?) We barely made it to the lot before it closed. It started pouring as Jason walked and I hobbled into the stadium. There was a scrum of people passing through the portal and it took us even longer to get to our seats.

By the time we finally were settled, I could barely stand, we were soaked, and there was only 10 minutes before kickoff.

Not going according to plan.

But you know what? I was so tired of being disappointed by things I was looking forward to. I decided I would not be disappointed at this game. I would enjoy it!

I may not have been able to jump to my feet and scream at the obviously biased refs, I may have felt like I would throw up if I moved wrong, but I made it through most of the game and thoroughly enjoyed it. It was everything BYU football is meant to be and I'm so glad I was able to go!
Go cougs!

Mom guilt

Who has it?

Me!

It's just one of the many wonderful things I inherited from my mom!

And in this day and age of blogs and Pinterest, it's really easy to feel like everyone is the best at everything--except you.

Well, this is just to say, I am very far from the best, so there's that!

There is so much I feel like I fall short on as a mother: hair and general upkeep of my children, projects, arts and crafts, meaningful FHE lessons, nutritious and creative meals, and most of all, having fun and making quality time for my children. I want my kids to remember me as a fun mom--for their childhoods to be filled with laughter, silly games, and playtime.

Unfortunately, I am kinda sorta uptight. I used to be really good about saying yes to anything, as long as it didn't hurt or destroy anything. I don't know when that changed, but lately I feel like I spend all my time nagging the girls to clean up or following them around picking up clutter and never just enjoying my children. I have to constantly remind myself that toys can be picked up, clutter can be put away, and children grow so fast.

Today I made a sincere effort to play with my kids and not freak out about messes. We had an indoor picnic, complete with an indoor duck pond; we read books in the girls bunk bed fort; we played pirates (more on that later this week); we colored pictures of our "dream couches" (Tempe's idea, she has heard me talking about decorating too much lately). It wasn't perfect--Tempe may or may not have been put in time out several times--but I'm getting there. I hope that every day I can remind myself to relax and enjoy motherhood.

How do you do it? How do you enjoy your children?

{My Resolutions}

So, it's that time of year again.

The time of year when everyone makes long lists of the things they want to change about themselves--so basically, a long list of all the things they feel they fall short on.

Wow, that is so depressing.

Well, here's my list for 2012:

1) Do better at doing my girls' hair. I am really, really bad at it. They both have very thin, flyaway hair and Tempe has weird waves on one side of her hair but not the other, and I just don't know how to do it. But I'm tired of them looking like ragamuffins.

2) Run a 5k.

3) Healthy and creative breakfasts, snacks, lunches, and dinners.

4) Organize, declutter, and clean our WHOLE house, starting with the master bedroom and then the garage. After three years in our little house, we've started to accumulate quite a bit of clutter and junk.

5) Finally, be an involved, caring mother. I've really struggled a lot since Juno was born--I used to do so many fun projects and activities with my girls, and we rarely do anything anymore. Juno is 13 months old now, so I really am out of excuses.

What do you want to accomplish this year?

why I blog

Lately I have been having an identity crisis.

I think it's very common for a stay-at-home mom to feel that way. I love being a wife and mother; I love staying home with my three beautiful daughters. But sometimes I wish I had something else, some other way to define myself.

I started this blog just as a fun way to share stories about my kids and the different crafts, recipes, and activities I do. It used to be pure fun. I used to not care about comments or followers or stats.

But for the past few months, I have been feeling completely inadequate--about my blog. I know how ridiculous that sounds.

I let myself think that my identity was all wrapped up in my blog. That if a post didn't get a lot comments, it wasn't worth doing. I started obsessing over how everyone else has better ideas than I do, or more followers than I do, or more sponsors than I do. I started obsessing over how I could bring in more money with my blog. Everything became a blog post for me--if I didn't think it would make a good blog post, I didn't do it.

I lost sight of why I started to blog--because it is a fun, creative outlet for my life.

I am not saying this to guilt anyone into commenting, but last week I was feeling badly that my DI lamp makeover post didn't get any comments--I really like that project but when no one commented, I started second-guessing it and thinking maybe it wasn't as great as I thought. But then Tempe turned the lamp on and said "Oh Mom, I love to see the keys shining through--it is so beautiful!"

All of a sudden I remembered why I made the lamp. Because I like it. Not because I need to be validated by my blog readers!

So I will never have a crazy famous craft blog. So what? This blog is not my identity.

To my faithful followers who have stuck with me over the last turbulent year with Juno's hips and my identity crisis, thank you. I am sorry that I lost focus. Thanks for sticking with me, anyway.

And I'm sorry this post is so rambling and seems to be contradictory at some points. It was cathartic to get it all out :)