the blink of an eye

One year ago today we welcomed our sweet Pearl Diana into our family.

I truly can't believe it's been a whole year. She completes our family just perfectly. Our family just didn't feel all the way "right" until she came along and filled our hearts. We love our little Polly so much!

Pearl is about 16 pounds now. She has four teeth--but instead of getting her front teeth on top, she has her two side teeth, like a little vampire. She isn't saying any words yet, but she can wave, nod, and shake her head and she's working on blowing kisses and clapping, too. She does call Jason "Da" and she is always super happy to see him. She's probably our only child that is a Mama's girl, though. She sometimes will let me put her down and play happily, but most often, if I'm around, she wants me to be interacting with her. I have to catch her in the right mood to try to make dinner or clean!

She's not a super smiley girl--she's very serious and always has a look of intense concentration. She reminds us a lot of Helena as a baby, in looks and personality. She likes to play peekaboo with her sisters and get into their things. She always wants to be on the move. Some of her favorite things are: taking all the recycling out of the bin, playing in the hose in the front yard, taking a bath, digging in the flower pot on the front steps, climbing up the little slide in the backyard, climbing the stairs, and sitting on Mom's feet and crying while Mom is trying to make dinner. She loves touch and feel books. Her favorite foods are buttery noodles, Ritz crackers, lunch meat, any kind of berry, milk, and chocolate. 

She's day-weaned, but we're still working on nights. Much as I would love an uninterrupted night's sleep, I'll admit that we haven't tried very hard to night-wean her yet because I'm not quite ready to give up nursing completely and cuddling with her at night. Someday! As long as she's only waking up twice a night, I'm fine with nursing longer.

And here she is showing off her newest trick!!

She's been able to take steps on her own for quite a while now, but this week she made the switch from crawling to walking. I don't think I've seen her crawl at all in the last two days. She's still unsteady, but look at her go--even in pants that are way too long!

Pearl and her cousin Cutler were born just 9 hours apart. We call them cousin-twins. We had to get some pictures of them together for their first birthday! Isn't he the cutest little boy??

So how do I feel now that my last baby is one?
Relief. Regret. Excitement for the next chapter of our lives. 
I was so worried that I would really want another baby and be so sad to say goodbye to the baby-raising days when Pearl turned one. We know we don't want any more children, but I was worried that my emotions might take over. I am happy to announce that I do not feel that, even one bit! You know you're done when you are just relieved to move on from the baby phase of life.
But there's still a little regret. Pearl was super easy, super chill, and super happy for the first six months of her life, plus I was still so overjoyed to have her after wanting another child for several years that it was really easy for me to enjoy everything, even the crying and sleepless nights. I did a great job letting other, less important things go so I could just enjoy my baby for those first six months. But then she got much more difficult (I don't know why), school started again, and I got busier. I have not spent as much time just sitting and holding her this second half of the year as I should have. And now that the year is over, I wish I had put those things aside more and just held her. 

Sweet, sweet girls

Happy Mother's Day!

I love this picture of me and my four daughters. They bring me so much happiness and joy and I'm trying my best to be a good mother to them. I'll admit, I have to constantly remind myself to take a deep breath, forget the mess, and enjoy them. I find myself nagging them so much about cleaning up, not making a mess, putting things away before leaving the room, etc and I don't want them to look back on their childhood and think I was more concerned about our house being clean than us having a happy home. It's hard, but I'm working on it!
I've also now been a mom long enough that I have some real regrets about motherhood: mostly having to do with Tempe and Helena's babyhoods. I was so excited for the next milestone, the next new thing, even the next baby, that I really didn't enjoy what was going on at the moment. I've done much, much better enjoying Juno and Pearl as babies, but I sure wish I had lived in the moment more with my first two kiddos. 

I got to go to Tempe's classroom on Friday morning for "Moms and Muffins". It was so fun to spend some time with her and her classmates! 

Happy Mother's Day!!

Happy Mother's Day! I love all the mothers in my life, especially my own mom who is so strong and has held our family together through everything, all with a smile on her face; and also my wonderful mother-in-law, who is a like a second mom to me. I am so lucky to have them in my life!!

Being a mom is the greatest source of blessings in my life. I love my three daughters more than I ever thought possible and I thank Heavenly Father every day for blessing me with them. They are so funny and sweet and sure keep my life interesting!

We celebrated Mother's Day mostly on Saturday (9 am church doesn't really give Mom much of a break when she has three kids to get ready for church). Jason and the girls "surprised" me with a peach tree!!! We also went to The Sweet Tooth Fairy to get my free Mother's Day cupcake and did a ton of yard work. Today we went to Jason's parent's house to talk to his brother Austin and his sister Morgan, who are currently serving as missionaries in Panama and Chile. It was a lovely day!
Happy Mother's Day to ALL the women out there. I think all women should celebrate Mother's Day because they have been blessed with the potential for motherhood and that is the greatest gift of all. And enjoy this video my sibs and I made for our mom!

dream job

I have always, always wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom. And nothing has made me happier over the past 6 1/2 years than spending all day chasing my three little monsters around the house and cleaning up their messes...really! 
But I admit, there have been lots of times that I felt like tearing my hair out. Days that I was so bored out of my mind and all I wanted was some time to myself and adult conversation. My mom was always there to listen to me complain, but she also always pointed out that someday I would miss those days with three toddlers at home.
I knew she was right, but that time seemed so far off in the future. I didn't think it would ever really come.
Well, friends, that time is on the horizon. Tempe is at school every afternoon and Helena goes two afternoons a week. In just six months, Tempe will be gone all day--all day!--and Helena will go to kindergarten every afternoon and Juno and I will be left alone at home, just the two of us.
I can't help but feel sad about that. I dearly love having a house full of kids, making messes, arguing, incessantly whining at my feet. I love when they "help" me clean, reading to them, playing all their childish games, finding fun new projects to do together, coloring pictures, and making special lunches and snacks for them. I love playing in the backyard, going for walks, riding scooters and pushbikes up and down the sidewalk, doing sidewalk chalk on the driveway, "gardening" together, and reading magazines while they play in the wading pool in the backyard. I love taking them to storytime at the library, the zoo, Temple Square, and all of our favorite parks.
I don't want those days to be over. I'm too young for those days to be over. What will I do with my days in a few years when Juno is in school too?
That is the hardest part about accepting that we might not have any more children. I didn't realize how much I would miss life with little ones until it was almost over. So for those of you who will still be having babies over the next few years, do me a favor and let me borrow your kids every once in a while. I promise they'll have fun with me!

why quiet time is for mom

Today is a school holiday and Jason is off work.

Yay, right?

Not always.

Kids (my kids, at least) really strive on structure and routine. So days that we don't do our normal daily routine (school holidays and pretty much every Saturday) are really, really hard. I know it's totally my fault. I always want to sleep in and laze around and not do my normal stuff, either. The result is a definite increase in  freak-outs and decrease in productivity.

Like: my Monday chore is to clean the kitchen, and my January chore is to deep-clean the kitchen. Today I was going to tackle the pantry. I also need to pick up around the house (the tornado that is a weekend always does a number on it) and clean up the playroom. Instead we went to Target, I hung a shelf in the bathroom, and after a quick lunch, I escaped upstairs for quiet time.

I felt a little bit of guilt as I went up the stairs and left behind the messy living room, the dishes in the sink, the big girls to entertain themselves for an hour. But then I reminded myself how I would feel after an hour to myself: refreshed. Patient. Ready to work together to clean up the house and have a nice afternoon. And I didn't feel bad for taking for myself anymore.

Juno is two!

I think I might cry while writing this post.
My baby Juno Kate is no longer a baby (to anyone but her mother, that is).

{Just about 10 minutes old in this picture}

Today is her second birthday!! I can't believe that it's only been two years since she joined our family; it feels like she's been a part of it forever. She adores her big sisters and her "da" (and maybe me, too) and we all adore her. She is developing such a funny little personality and she is definitely a third child! I'm constantly surprised by how independent she is.
She is constantly climbing, running, jumping, and bouncing around the house. No one would ever, ever guess that she had (has?) hip dysplasia and spent 1/4 of her first year in a body cast. She has a follow-up next week, but as far as I can tell, her hip is doing great.
She has a severe speech delay. Most 24 month olds can say around 50 words and are putting words together in 2-3 word sentences. Juno says a grand total of three "words", has three signs, and has made up multiple gestures which she uses to communicate with us. She's never babbled in strings of consonants or babbled with inflection, although she does grunt with inflection. For being nonverbal, she can actually communicate very effectively through pointing and her signs/gestures. I almost always know what she wants. And she definitely understands 95% of what we say to her. She starts speech therapy through Early Intervention in a few weeks and I know that will really help get her to where she needs to be. In the meantime, I almost enjoy that she's nonverbal because I feel like it will keep her my baby a little longer!

Juno loves this BYU sweatshirt that was Jason's when he was two. She wears it every chance she can get and throws tantrums when she sees me putting it in the laundry basket. If I'm not careful, she grabs it out of the dirty clothes and hides it in her room so I can't wash it. 
She is not afraid of letting you know when she's mad. She furrows her brow, shakes her finger in your faces and says "Bop! Bop bop bop bop bop BOP!!" or shields whatever she thinks you're stealing from her with her body and screams "Bop! My, my, my!" With two older sisters, she had to learn to defend her property pretty early.
We are so grateful for Juno and the joy she brings to our family and home. Odds are she'll be our last child, so I'm trying to enjoy every single little moment with her. She's a fun girl!

Mommy Wars

Mommy wars.

I think I am the biggest offender of judging in motherhood.

Not other moms--myself.

I spend all day beating myself up about my choices as a mother, convinced that everyone must think I'm a bad mom and making bad choices for my kids.

"Who cares what people think, as long as you know you are doing what's right for your family!"

I'll be honest--I care! I care what people think about me. Don't you all? That's the whole reason the bf vs ff, working mom vs SAHM, cloth vs disposable, vaccination or non debates get so heated.

But I'm tired of caring so much. It's exhausting. Logically, I know that someone will always disagree with whatever choice I am making. Logically, I know that I just have to trust myself and let go of the worries  about what other people think.

That's easier said than done, though. How do I gain more confidence in my own mothering? How do I recognize that not everyone will make the same choices as me, and that doesn't mean my choices are bad or wrong?

Do you judge yourself against other mothers? What things worry you most? How do you deal with it?

hey kid!

Dear Tempe,
Six years ago, I was getting ready to have you. I was excited to hold my baby in my arms after nine long months, but nervous about becoming a mother.
Now my little "baby" has grown up and I'm getting ready to send you off to school. I'm excited to watch you grow and mature, gain knowledge and make friends, but all of this makes me nervous as well. You've always spent almost all of your time with me; you've always looked up to me, taken my word for everything, trusted me. Now I am going to step back and watch my big girl leave me. We'll have less time together and I'll have to trust that you are ready for it. What if your teacher doesn't understand you? What if the other kids tease you? What if you are lonely and miss your mom? Will I still be the biggest influence on your life? Will we still be able to pick up and go do fun things as a family?
I know that letting you go to school is right; I know that you are ready. I also know that after next Tuesday, our lives will never be the same. I will never have all of my little girls home with me all the time again. And I will miss you.
Love, Mom

on Motherhood

"I like to clean up with my mom. I like to play with her. I love to do cooking class with her. My mom likes to cook, she likes to do painting projects with her husband. She likes to vacuum.

My mom is seven years old. She looks like a mom, of course. She has purple eyes and brown hair. I love you, Mom!" --my Mother's Day card from Helena, age four.

 

Happy Mother's Day! We had a busy day on Sunday, so we celebrated mostly on Saturday. We went to the Sweet Tooth Fairy Bakeshop so I could get a free Mother's Day cupcake (mango--yum!!) and then Jason took me to Home Depot to pick out a new tree. We had a lovely little pussywillow tree in our front yard but it blew over in our windstorm last December. I really loved that tree so I was so excited that Jason thought of this great Mother's Day gift!

I picked out a little blossoming cherry tree and he planted it for me. We took this picture before church on Sunday morning--me and my girls! Wonder if there will ever be a little man in our family??

Motherhood truly is the greatest blessing in my life. I am so grateful for the examples of the mothers in my life--my own Mom, who is always there for me and who gave me a magical childhood of my own, and my wonderful mother-in-law. 

 I sure love staying home with my little girls! It can be trying sometimes, but there is nothing I would rather do. 

I think all stay-at-home-moms go through slumps. I feel like I just recently came out of one--a long one--basically since Juno was born. For a long time, I had lost the joy in motherhood. It just seemed like everyone needed something from me all the time and it wasn't enjoyable anymore.

I am so glad that I seem to have thrown that off! I mentioned this a week ago, but reading "Heaven is Here" by Stephanie Nielson really changed my life and helped me find that joy again. I've never read her blog, but her book was a life-changer, corny as that sounds. Reading it made me realize how wonderful being a stay-at-home-mom really is. It made me think, why am I not more grateful? why do I not enjoy this anymore? 

I haven't really changed anything since I read it--we still have to do chores, I don't just play with my kids all day--but I feel completely different. For me, it really was all about attitude and choosing to enjoy every day with my kids. That's something I have to re-commit myself to every once in a while, and I was overdue.

Being a mom is great.

New mom gift: labor survival kit

So a few weeks ago, my dear sister in law Rachel had her fourth baby girl (in less than 6 years!!) I was so excited to get a new niece, so I decided to make a little gift for Rachel to help get her here. We had a playdate planned for Rachel's due date (her last baby was 5 days late), so I put a labor survival kit together the night before. Unfortunately, in the morning when I called to confirm our playdate, Rachel was already in labor!! She managed to make it through her labor without the survival kit, but I gave it to her that night when I visited to meet my sweet little niece.

This survival kit had something for before, during and after labor. Before: "labor cookies", which is really just gingersnaps with cayenne pepper--the spice is supposed to put you into labor. They are soooo good. I ate about 10 before I wrapped them up for the kit. During: a few headband elastics and a back massager. After: a book, some yummy smelling lotion, and a pack of thank-you notes (I always finish mine up while I'm in the hospital). I think new moms should be pampered while they are in the hospital!!

Another thing that is great for this kind of thing is a rice bag that can be heated up in the microwave. One of my labors just felt like super intense menstrual cramps and a heating pad would have been soooo nice to have in early labor! Even if you don't use it while you are in labor, they are wonderful to have after the baby has arrived and those lovely afterbirth pains are making you want to die all over again every time you try to nurse. How unfair is that? Seriously. You go through nine months of misery, who knows how many hours of labor and delivery, but no, it's not over, you still have to have horrible contractions for another week. Lame!!!!!!

And since little Dina arrived before Rachel got her labor survival kit, I made up this little "I am a Child of God" printable for her, too :)

PS: My mom is the best. She always sends me a book, fuzzy socks, chocolates, and a gift card for "after baby" clothes. Isn't that sweet?

Mom guilt

Who has it?

Me!

It's just one of the many wonderful things I inherited from my mom!

And in this day and age of blogs and Pinterest, it's really easy to feel like everyone is the best at everything--except you.

Well, this is just to say, I am very far from the best, so there's that!

There is so much I feel like I fall short on as a mother: hair and general upkeep of my children, projects, arts and crafts, meaningful FHE lessons, nutritious and creative meals, and most of all, having fun and making quality time for my children. I want my kids to remember me as a fun mom--for their childhoods to be filled with laughter, silly games, and playtime.

Unfortunately, I am kinda sorta uptight. I used to be really good about saying yes to anything, as long as it didn't hurt or destroy anything. I don't know when that changed, but lately I feel like I spend all my time nagging the girls to clean up or following them around picking up clutter and never just enjoying my children. I have to constantly remind myself that toys can be picked up, clutter can be put away, and children grow so fast.

Today I made a sincere effort to play with my kids and not freak out about messes. We had an indoor picnic, complete with an indoor duck pond; we read books in the girls bunk bed fort; we played pirates (more on that later this week); we colored pictures of our "dream couches" (Tempe's idea, she has heard me talking about decorating too much lately). It wasn't perfect--Tempe may or may not have been put in time out several times--but I'm getting there. I hope that every day I can remind myself to relax and enjoy motherhood.

How do you do it? How do you enjoy your children?

{My Resolutions}

So, it's that time of year again.

The time of year when everyone makes long lists of the things they want to change about themselves--so basically, a long list of all the things they feel they fall short on.

Wow, that is so depressing.

Well, here's my list for 2012:

1) Do better at doing my girls' hair. I am really, really bad at it. They both have very thin, flyaway hair and Tempe has weird waves on one side of her hair but not the other, and I just don't know how to do it. But I'm tired of them looking like ragamuffins.

2) Run a 5k.

3) Healthy and creative breakfasts, snacks, lunches, and dinners.

4) Organize, declutter, and clean our WHOLE house, starting with the master bedroom and then the garage. After three years in our little house, we've started to accumulate quite a bit of clutter and junk.

5) Finally, be an involved, caring mother. I've really struggled a lot since Juno was born--I used to do so many fun projects and activities with my girls, and we rarely do anything anymore. Juno is 13 months old now, so I really am out of excuses.

What do you want to accomplish this year?

we had a good week

I am so grateful for the week that we just had! I really needed it.

We had a tough month in February and I was feeling pretty discouraged. It seemed like every day there was something new to overwhelm me. I was feeling so stressed and taking it out on my kids--yelling at them, making them watch tv so they would leave me alone (they think I was being nice, but really I just couldn't face playing with them. Isn't that sad?) We didn't go to storytime. We didn't bake. We didn't play outside. We didn't read books together. We didn't do our chores. We didn't have morning prayer. We didn't read scriptures together. We ate a lot of cereal for dinner (again, they thought that was great!)

But last week, Juno went back to sleeping long stretches at night, the weather warmed up and the sun came out, and I got out of my rut. We finished "Ramona the Brave" and are almost done with "Beezus and Ramona". I cleaned the house, I made good food for dinner, we baked pound cake and bread, and I even started sewing again!

I {finally} feel like a good mom again!